I didn’t get around to writing a blog post this week. Work’s been full-on, meetings have been relentless, and I’ve found myself knee-deep in performance chats with managers.
Somewhere between “Can I document this?” and “Do I have to use the template?”, I had a thought: Most of my HR conversations are basically counselling sessions with policy attached.
So here it is—a last-minute-but-totally-useful post on counselling microskills that make HR conversations more effective (and slightly less awkward).
🧠 Foundational Skills – Trust Starts Here
👀 Attending Behaviour
Make eye contact, keep your body open, and for the love of fairness, don’t check your emails mid-call.
Why it matters: You’re modelling the respect and focus we expect managers to show their team members.
🫱 Empathy
That’s not just saying “I get it.” It’s showing you understand what they’re going through without jumping to fix it or take sides.
🎧 Active Listening – Let Them Talk
🤔 Open Questions
“Can you walk me through it?” is the HR version of “Tell me more.”
Avoid yes/no traps early on.
✅ Closed Questions
Perfect for clarifying: “Did you actually tell them that deadline was non-negotiable?”
Spoiler: they usually didn’t.
🔁 Paraphrasing
“So just to check—I’m hearing that you’ve spoken to them twice, and there hasn’t been any change?”
Good for surfacing contradictions gently.
📋 Summarising
Your best friend when meetings get off-track. Use it to pause, reset, and move to action.
👂 Encouragers
Head nods. “Yep.” “Go on.” These tiny signals keep people talking without you having to rescue awkward silences.
🪞 Feeling It Out – Handle Emotion With Skill
Reflection of Feeling
“It sounds like this has really been weighing on you.”
Yes, we’re allowed to name emotions in HR. It’s not illegal.
Reflection of Meaning
“This seems to go against what you expect from your team.”
Sometimes it’s not about what happened, it’s about what it means to the manager.
Empathic Confrontation
Not as scary as it sounds. Think:
“You’re expecting change, but I’m not seeing a clear plan yet—shall we work through one?”
🛠 Influencing – The Subtle HR Jedi Moves
Constructive Feedback
Model how it’s done. Managers will copy your tone (and hopefully not your coffee consumption).
Logical Consequences
“If we don’t act now, we may need to escalate.”
Kind. Clear. No drama.
Psychoeducation
Policy as storytelling. Explain the process like you’re explaining a board game—not a legal contract.
Action Planning
If there’s no follow-up date, it didn’t happen.
Write it down. Send the recap. Hold the line.
Final Thought: You’re Probably Already Doing This
The beauty of microskills is that they’re just good conversation habits. We’re not trying to be therapists—we’re just trying to help managers think more clearly, act more consistently, and treat people fairly.
So next time you’re in a meeting that feels a bit like group therapy, just smile to yourself and remember: you’re basically a counsellor. With spreadsheets.
What did you learn? 